Lori Writes a Romance Novel
by Arglefumph
Summary: After the events of "Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon", Lori Girard tries to write a romance novel for money.


Charleena Purcell stepped into her publisher's office.

"Ah, Miss Purcell," the publisher said.

"I have a romance novel that was written by Lori Girard," Charleena said.

"Lori Girard? Wasn't she arrested?" the publisher asked.

"No, but she desperately needs money now that she has to work for a living," Charleena said. "She thought she'd try her hand at writing romances. Her story is...well, I'll be blunt. It's awful, but I promised her I'd show it to you."

* * *

**Lorraine is Super Awesome**

By Lori Girard

So, once upon a time, there was this girl named Lorraine who had the most AMAZING body. Don't hate her for it. Lorraine had cool clothes, because her daddy was a billionaire stock hotel person or something? She didn't really pay attention whenever her dad talked about money. She knew the important thing, which was that daddy would pay off all her credit cards, so she could have a hopping wardrobe.

It IS important. A good daddy would forgive his daughter if she made mistakes, like trying to murder a teenage detective in order to get good publicity. Publicity is important, and so is forgiveness, okay? Only a TERRIBLE daddy would cancel his daughter's credit cards and force her to get a job, especially when she already said she was sorry, like, twice.

So Lorraine had a great body and a great wardrobe, and seriously, she is like the sexiest girl ever! But what good was all her sexiness, without someone to share it with? Because she wanted LOVE!

All the guys she met at parties only liked her because she was gorgeous and rich and famous. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention she was famous. Well, she was. Why wouldn't she be? She was rich and gorgeous and had fabulous parties. That's really all you need to do to be in the news. Someone should tell those boring politician people, who are running for President all the time. Hello? No one's going to vote for you! All you do is give stupid speeches. Give parties instead! If you went around the countries throwing awesome parties, you'd be President in no time.

Oooo, maybe that's what Lorraine did! Yeah, I like that. Okay, Lorraine was _President of the United States_, and everybody loved her because she threw fabulous parties all the time! But even though she was President, she was LONELY because she couldn't find true love, until one day! She met Toni Balduccio. He had dark hair and amazing eyes, and he was THE ONE for her! And he thought she was awesome, too!

But then one day, he stopped hanging out with her, in order to hang out with his LOSER FRIENDS. Okay, so maybe they weren't losers, but they weren't as interesting as Lorraine, so why was he hanging out with them instead of her? Lorraine was HEARTBROKEN. It was tragic! Almost as bad as having your credit cards cancelled. But did Lorraine cry? Nope! She was strong, and she bought an awesome new wardrobe which was sure to get her a NEW boyfriend, but she was still kind of sad because she missed Toni. Even more than clothes! That's how much she loved him.

And then there was a rumor that Toni left Lorraine, because he wanted to date her younger sister, which is so NOT TRUE!

One day, Tino came back to me! I mean. Uh. Toni came back to Lorraine, and he said he was sorry for leaving her alone! He was just too embarrassed, because he thought she'd find out his big secret and never want to date him again! And she said, "Oh no, I could NEVER want to stop dating you, ever!" and he said, "I feel the same way, too, that's why I came back!"

So they made out in the caboose of a train car for a half-hour and it was SO AWESOME!

And yeah, it was romantic that he couldn't stay away from Lorraine, because he loved her so much! He was such a sweetheart, she decided she loved him more than ever. And his big secret! He voted for someone else as President, not her. He thought Lorraine would dump him if she found out, and she said it was okay. She decided to make him her Vice-President, and they ran for reelection together and got married on election day, and it was SOOO Presidential and romantic!

And they all lived happily ever after!

THE END

And Daddy was so impressed by the story, he decided to reactive my credit cards. Hint, hint!

* * *

The publisher looked up from the paper. "This romance novel is one page long," he said.

"I know, it's terrible," Charleena said. "I normally wouldn't have bothered you with it, but I _did_ promise Lori."

The publisher crumpled up the paper and threw it in the trash. "Please tell me you have something that's _actually_ important."

"Of course," Charleena said, pulling out the manuscript that she had written on Jake Hurley's train, along with some ideas for other novels. She and the publisher spent a happy few hours, going over everything.

They were so busy that they didn't notice the publisher's new intern, Sonny Joon. Sonny took out the trash, when he saw Lori's romance novel. He drew a picture of Lorraine and Toni's marriage on the backside of the paper, then and accidentally put it in the "books to publish" pile. Lorraine Is Super Awesome made it to #3 on the bestsellers list, but Sonny was still fired for his mistake.


End file.
